Inspire Me.

A Personal Story:

Iʻve told you all that Iʻve wanted to do this Tumblr challenge thing, however, I just have lost the want and motivation to continue it. I was mainly doing it to occupy myself whilst on Christmas Break. And for others entertainment but I just donʻt feel like doing it anymore. The reason why this is the last one is because I realized that I am better off occupying myself with family rather than internet blogging posts. 

Yesterday, I spent the entire day at the hospital, only returning home around 5 in the morning with a heavy heart, a sad face and swollen, tearful eyes. My grandfather at the age of 59 passed away yesterday. These past few months, he has undergone numerous surgeries on his body. He was warring against cancer that affected his throat, liver and other parts on his stomach. From this, they removed his voice box which left him with the inability to speak. “Two weeks, if he is lucky.” is what I was told two weeks ago. Yesterday, I was told “anytime now….”

We were allowed to stay at the hospital as long as we wanted too, which most of us did. We would be in and out of his room. Talking with relatives and watching my sedated grandfather sleep, gasping for air with each breathe. There was at least 20 of us there and a total of maybe 40 or close to 50 people who came throughout the day to visit him. We left his room to dry our tears and do quick coffee and hot cocoa breaks to keep us warm in the cold Waimea weather. 

He was sleeping comfortable, at the looks of it. He was drugged up on morphine which allowed him to sleep and ease the pain. He was never left in the room alone, family would always be surrounding his bed side, crying and smiling for the cherished memories. We all knew it really was a matter of time.

Around 2ish in the morning, we decide to leave the room to go outside to take a break and catch some air. At 2:22 a.m., the nurse finds us sitting and talking in the waiting room and simply says “I think he has left.” We all stand up and run to the room. Flat line. That is the first thing I looked at. Not him, but the screen that monitored his heart rate. Nothing, it was at a flat line standstill. The doctor came and he was pronounced dead.

He was suffering and he was in pain. He was hard for me to see him, a man who is such a strong minded person, bed ridden and slowly fading away. It was most difficult to stand there and watch my family, who in my opinion are the strongest people I know, just simply cry and cry. I held in my tears. I hate this, however, it is good that he is gone. He doesnʻt need to suffer anymore. He is now a new guardian angel I have.

Aloha wau iā ʻoe no nā kau a kau e kuʻu kupuna kāne ʻo Randall Thomas Elarco Sr. 

Nicknames you have and why you have them:

• J - self-explanatory
• Jake - people think itʻs sexier than Jacob
• Jacoby - Back in my football days, there were two Jacobs. So I was called    Jacoby (Jah-coby)
• Little J - My uncle was Big J
• Humpy Dangle - “Porn Star” name given by Imi Yo.
• Jacob Gucci - My “Drag” name give by Imi Yo.
• TheLeader - Self-proclaimed
• Baddest B*tch - Given by FDF :P

I know I have more, I just canʻt think of any:P

Put your iPod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs:

1. Ever Lasting Lover - Kapena
2. Please Donʻt Go Girl - New Kids on the Block
3. Dreaming of You - Selena
4. Ka Uluwehi o Kekahi - Hapa
5. Iʻd Lie - Taylor Swift
6. Find Yourself - Brad Paisely
7. Roll Up - Wiz Khalifa 
8. Iʻll Make Love to You - Boyz II Men
9. Turn Me On - David Guetta
10. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5

Relationship Status (In detail) -_-

To keep this short and not-so-painful, I would like to say that my dating life can be described as non-existant. However, this challenge things requires me to to speak in detail. Bleeeh, here we go. Well I pretty much have been single for the longest time. I have had a few relationships here and there, the last being over a year ago. All of them ended, well I guess you can say that I never wanted them to end. You all should understand what I mean when I say that. So I am just sitting and waiting but not idling. Iʻve attempted to talk to a few people who have caught my eye but I guess I am just unappealing to some people. Oh, well. 

• i see you more as a friend
• youʻre like a little brother to me
• you are too short

Yeah, the last excuse pretty much kills me. I would like to say that I donʻt hear that often, but trust me, I hear it a lot. I know you must be thinking “what shady bitch said that!?” Well in all honestly, I understand their point when people donʻt find me attractive due to my height. I feel like it is a legit excuse, but not a very good one.

But yes, thatʻs my relationship life. In the friend zone.